Today is my birthday
2025.12.28
Today is my birthday. I turned 24. It doesn’t feel real. My heart still feels about seventeen, while my age keeps moving forward into adulthood.It’s kind of funny, isn’t it?
Honestly, I feel more like a teenager now than I did when I was actually one.I think it’s because now I have more things I want to do, I face reality more directly, and I catch myself thinking about kinds of philosophical-ish stuff?
Some people my age already have kids. My parents ask me about marriage. All my friends have boyfriends, and I wonder if some of them will probably start getting married soon.
But I’m just not interested in romance or marriage right now. And the funny thing is I don’t even feel anxious about that. My parents are a little tired of me because of it, and they tell me things like, “It’s definitely better to get married early.” Still, when I think about the effort it takes, my heart doesn’t sparkle at all.
It means, even if "I" don't care about it myself, "they" make me think about it.I hate this noise. they are so annoying.
I used to think people like me weren’t that rare, especially when I looked at social media. But among the people actually around me, there’s no one like this at all. It makes me realize that even if it looks common online, in real life it’s still a minority. That makes me feel lonely, or maybe just unsure.
I don’t think I’m asexual. It’s just not the timing. I’m simply not interested in romance or marriage right now. That’s all. Nothing more than that. Looking for someone on dating apps or trying to meet people is unnecessary to me. if I do that, it would feel duty, like a job. that's all
I keep feeling unfinished. Unsatisfied. I haven’t really done anything yet.
That’s probably the biggest reason I don’t want to get married or have children. just don’t want to close my life.
……………
sigh.it’s my birthday, but instead of celebrating, I'm overthinking everything.
anyway, I'm goning to eat a strawberry cake lol. because today is my birthday.
thanks for reading.
